You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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