I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
