i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
