Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
