dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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