Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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