I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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