I want to have your abortion
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
