wakey wakey hands off snakey
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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