I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
