she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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