weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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