I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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