we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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