either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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