You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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