I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Randomize
