I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
