It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
