Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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