Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
