she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Randomize
