If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
so much tequila, so little girl.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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