You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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