In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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