Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
