i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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