Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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