The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
