omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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