EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
We're too hungover to prance.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
