I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
