He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
