watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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