I wish I could punch you in the face.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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