I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
