Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
