Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
