Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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