I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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