So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
