I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Kiss
Puke
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
