He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
