forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Randomize
