omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
