so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
