Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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