omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
