okay pat passed out under dana's car
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
