At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
