I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
