Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
