He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
