so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
