Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
