I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
