Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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