She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
