so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
