I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
