I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
