That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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