Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
