Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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