When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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