Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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