I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
