How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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