i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
